Perfectionism : the trait

Criticism is inevitable. Either way, you will always find yourself up in the mess. Stop being too quick to respond in defence.

Just be you and stay focused. 

Hello to my beautiful readers. If it's your first time here; welcome! I hope you find this worthy. You can as well check our previous posts to have a feel of what our discussions are like.

Perfectionism is an act where one unwilling to settle for anything that is not perfect. He or she does not meet highly extremely standards.

In psychology, perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by“striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations.” To a perfectionist, anything that’s less than perfect is unacceptable.

We all thrive to be perfect. So you must have been nodding; affirming the fact that you are a perfectionist.  But WAIT! Study this charts below and thick as appropriate. 

You are not yet a perfectionist until you tick half of the boxes below. Then we move to discussing how to handle and maintain them. 

Do you:

* fear being caught skidding?

* suffer anxiety as a result of criticism?

*  give no room for mistakes, spotting them when others don't even see any.

*  procrastinate under the disguise of waiting for the right time.

*  become depressed when you don't achieve your goals.

* success is never enough.

*set too much high standards for yourself thus making it all too hard on yourself.

*  feel the need to perfect everything you do, even at the detriment of your health.

If at least half of these traits fits you to a tee, then you are a indeed a perfectionist. However, being a perfectionist (let's face it) is not really good for your growth. You can however make control it and make it work for you. 

Just like you, a lot of people have the similar energy. The same kind of idea and legacies sitting in your head is inherent in someone else's too. But you seem too carried away thinking and waiting for the right and perfect time to strike while somebody else thrives. A non-perfectionist on the other hand, jumps into execution immediately. You will end up being shocked to see someone else launch and implement the very idea you have been concealing in your brain for months, probably years.

Ok, here is another analogy. Let's imagine you are the only one in possession of a particular idea. Not everyone have this particular one this time. But you didn't do anything with it because you are waiting for the perfect time. Let me inform you that, by so doing, you are causing another havoc to your yourself and the world. You are also depriving the world of such beauty due to your perfectionism through procrastination. 

Here are some of the downsides to maintaining the silly perfectionism.

1. Procrastination: going all about, procrastination is interconnected with perfectionism because it always involve TIME and DELAYs. The way forward to overcome this is effective management of time, just do it anyways.

2. Deep-seated unhappiness: Perfectionists go through internal struggle of fight between self acceptance and denial thereby building a world of pain. They tend not to locate happiness because they are too busy over thinking. If you are this person, practice self acceptance, be kind to yourself, remind yourself that you are valuable, tell life you will win it over, make mistakes and grow.

3. Focus on your health: Many a perfectionist is obsessed with their head that they pay little or no regards to their health. I learnt that perfectionist are prone to insomnia, depression, headache and heart disease as a result of constant worry. 

If you really want to fulfil your purpose, it's a known fact that your health is an important factor on the line so eat, sleep and take medications when needed.

4. Value relationship: In the process of getting things done and thinking about the next step to take, a perfectionist tends to unconsciously compromised relationships. You give less quality time to people you love and invest no effort to becoming better. 

As much as you prioritize your job/thoughts, your family and friends are important aspect of your life too, value them.

5. Set boundaries: Your desire to get things done will make you vulnerable and open to offers as a perfectionist. People will come to you for help, they are aware of your abilities as a doer, how much sacrifice you can contribute to make things happen and there are desperate times you will say yes too, at the detriment of your happiness, learn to say NO.

If you have to say yes everytime, you are taking a huge risk on your integrity. Communicate, draw a line and stick to it.

6. Let go of childhood memories: Naturally, growing in an African home, we are likely to grow up being a perfectionist. In our culture, success is celebrated and failure is shamed. There are a lot of phrases we grew up with which interrupts our decision making, many of phrases like "The person that came first has two heads abi" were said to motivate us but we fail to unlearn and we grow up comparing ourselves to our peers, we see them as competition. 

Meanwhile, Continuously thinking about how well someone else is doing is a quick route to depression, let them go, we all have different timing.

When you notice your mind going in a direction of worry, unfulfillment, denial, complain, frustration.

Stop, Take a deep breath, and try to think about all the things you should be grateful for. 

I'm a recovering perfectionist and in the process to know and exhibit my purpose, willing to learn and correct my personality traits. Here are some of my research and it's outcome which I feel the need to share.

You are not alone, we are in this together.

Find yourself first so that you won't introduce someone else to the world.

Yours in blogging, 

Teni❤

Can you relate to any of the above? Which downside do you experience as a perfectionist?

Let's discuss in the comments.